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just thinking loud again
Sunday, April 15, 2007
things i am addicted to and why i can't give them up

1. smoking - living alone is boring. i usually stay up late to check papers. you think deeper while you are smoking and talking to friends. it's an excuse to eat more because you don't feel full.

2. eating out and smoking with friends - i have two dining sets and i don't use them because i am by myself. so i grab every chance i get to eat out with my friends. i don't have to wash the dishes after eating. i don't have to cook.
3. vanilla candles - they smell good.
4. listening to regine songs - this is nothing new actually but now i have it in my ipod!
5. mille bournes - it is a card game about driving. i don't know why i like it so much, i'm not even good at it. silver beats me all the time but i'm okay as long as i can stop jackie.

6. talking on the phone - maybe the lack of real people in my house? you think?

7. putting hairpins on my bangs - it's just comfortable. i don't have to deal with bangs blocking my eyesight. and i like the mess it makes on top of my head.
8. loop earrings and stud - i just think i look good in them. i maybe wrong but who cares?
9. sleeping in the afternoon - it used to be because school work made me so tired. now, it is because schoolwork bores me.
10. w40 and lysol(for bathtubs)- i like the smell of this in my kitchen and bathroom, respectively.
11. flossing - my dentist scared me!

12. crest mouthwash - i've always wanted a mouthwash that doesnt burn my mouth when i use it.
13. nestea green tea - i hardly drink coke anymore. i don't feel bloated when i drink it. it just sounds healthier when you say you drink green tea compared to drinking soda.
14. american idol - the modern english version of bagong kampyon. i love to sing and criticize people who can't.

15. downloading music to my ipod - because i can.
story of the pink table
yep. i am one of those people who don't know how to let go. for some, this is actually a good thing. well, not for me. aquarians are known for being loyal. i guess, i always try to see the good side of a person. In my case though, i end up looking at the good side even if there's actually none. Or maybe, i saw it once and thought hey, i know i'm gonna see that again. I watch The Hoilday about 2 weeks ago and there's a good explanation why i am attracted to bad boys.
Iris: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she(in my case, he) does something that tells you she's(he's) no good, you ignore it. And every time she(he) comes through and suprises you, she(he) wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's(he's) not for you.

Miles: Exactly, and on top of that there's the old standby, I can't believe a girl(guy) like that would actually be with a guy (girl) like me.

This means i don't value myself because again, i'm settling. I need to learn to let go. Some things are really not or will never be what i think they are. Some things are not for me and there's a good explanation why. But i don't have to know it yet. There is a bigger plan for me. i should believe there is.

my goal is to make my life simple. I really don't need to complicate things anymore. i can't be intimate with him again and say to myself that i'm just using him because in reality, men and women can't be intimate and not have strings attached to it. yep, both sexes. Although we all pretend we can do it. Men don't do it well and women are worse.

i have the same problem for ten years now. I have to put a stop to this. I don't want to celebrate my 30th birthday having the same problem and that's 10 months from now. i sure have given it more than enough time. If it's really meant to happen, it would've happened a long time ago. there is no hope on this one.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
orlando trip springbreak 2007
so this is it. this is i think the best springbreak i have ever had and this is courtesy of silver and jackie. funny but this is also the worst driving trip to florida this time courtesy of nald. anyway,all the pictures here were taken by moi except those the feature me. i love sepia so most of them are in that theme.

this is how ronald was when his mom gave birth to him.

the picture of friendship.

the picture of angst.

my happy day in orlando.

a well-deserved lazy day.

peeping silver.

burning my lungs out again.

friends by the patio.

the winning shot.

just the three of us and the hammock.

the three of us and the antagonist by the patio.

cheetos and coke model.

silver and jackie with a stripper.
a poem of angst

Not because I smile at you
Means that i like you
Not because I let you win a fight
Means that you are always right

Not because you know something
Means you're smart in everything
Not because you make me laugh today
Means i need you everyday

Not because you wear expensive clothing
Means you're a high fashion being
Not because you have more money to spare
Means your credit is good or even fair

Not because I don't tell you the real deal
Means i care about what you think or feel
Coz not because i'm here for you today
doesnt mean this is where i want to stay

So listen when i bid you ,"so long"!
Coz baby you got it all so wrong
I was just doing what my folks said was right
And that is to be gentle and polite.