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just thinking loud again
Saturday, November 19, 2005
you don't want to know
Sunday, Nov. 13, 2005. I never thought that there's such a thing as sunday the 13th. Sana di na lang ako nagising...puyat naman ako e...did my laundry until 3 am kanina so i should've slept like a baby til 12 noon....a phone call just had to ruin my sleep, make it my day...moreso, my life...paeng called me at 10 this morning...i missed his call last night e as i was talking to my dearly beloved i was saying...he said hi , asked me how my life is here, and if i found a date for the japanese thing already and i (stooooopid me!) said, uh nope si nald na lang siguro...then, with no segue or introduction he said , nga pala, may girlfriend na ko....kaya pala wala nang i love you's, kaya pala wala nang sense lahat...that explains it....syempre, i was trying to keep my cool...kse he was still talking casually about god knows what....the last thing that registered was may girlfriend na ko...but i was still responding, saying yeah, nope every now and then...i was crying, wanted to scream at him at the top of my lungs and asked why he didn't wait for haba ng usap namin never akong suminghot...tumulo na lahat ng sipon ko pero i didnt care kse yoko malaman nya na umiiyak humahagulgol na nasisiraan na ko ng bait sa kabilang linya...i tried my best to be ok when he was talking, i should've won an award for does he think i should feel after he tells me that? he actually thought i'd be okay? that i would say, ok ...NEXT! siguro nga i'd rather hear it from him than from our friends...siguro nga i should've seen it coming...pero ewan.isa lang kse alam ko ngayon...ang liit liit ko na...sana nga may matira naman khet konti. i hope he's happy. I know he needs a girlfriend and he finally got what he wanted. I actually thought there could be nothing worse than knowing it will be his bday on the 16th...balak ko na nga uminom kse first time na magbbday sya na di na kme...tangna, i almost drowned myself sa tub kanina...forget him marj.tapos na.

ok, i wrote this almost a week ago and i think i'm alright now. no need to panic. here's the secret to ignoring a broken heart---play an addicting pc game...yup! thanks civilization IV! i think of tech trees more often now than regretting about the past...this is just unbelievable...civ lang katapat mo, paeng! but of course when i'm done with this game i can always learn a new one.

conversation with dad this morning:

dad: o anak kamusta na?
me: ok, tumawag si paeng may gf na raw sya
dad: ok lang yan anak, maraming iba jan...bata ka pa naman e
me: e mahal ko e
dad: gusto mo umuwi sa summer? dalawang buwan ka dun, wag ka na magsummer school
me: bket ako uuwi?
dad: maghanap ka ng lalake dun ulet
me: sino naman may sabi sayo na gusto ko ng pinoy ulet
dad: ganun ba
me: pero gusto ko umuwi sa summer
dad: sige sagot ko

Sunday, November 13, 2005

It's very hard to say it's over specially when you're scared to start again. i don't even know if i should even consider starting from scratch again since i already know how it would end up to be---a disaster. Although of course if i won't ever open myself to another relationship , every pain and sacrifices from this previous one will be put to waste. I should learn something from these. I guess it's just easier to accept that i will not understand everything now but i will in the future. I just have to find some other ways to gain my self-esteem back. 'coz i just feel so little.
share ko lang to...

The DUMPED! Break-up Survival Guide.
By Lisa Daily
Maybe you knew it was coming. Maybe you didn't. You've been dumped.

So, other than moping around in your pajamas, spending quality time with
Ben & Jerry, what can you do? Well, clear away that mountain of soggy
tissues, and I'll tell you how to get through the worst of it,
the first 30 days.

Three things:

Take care of yourself.
Give yourself time to mourn.
Move forward.

The first 48 hours.
The first 48 hours are the toughest. Give yourself at least one
full weekend to cry your eyes out, eat junk food and lie around
on your couch in a broken-heart coma watching sappy movies or
a kung-fu marathon. Try to throw a few comedies into the mix
if you can, laughter is good for you. If you want to be alone
now, be alone. If you want to be with friends, by all means,
invite them to console you. Whatever you do, don't call your ex.
Don't e-mail your ex. Don't see your ex. Turn your answering
machine on and screen your calls. I'm not saying you should
never talk to your ex again, but give yourself at least a month
or so to build up your ego again. If you think you might be
tempted, by all means, invite a friend over to run defense and
keep you away from the phone. Next, force yourself to think of
the relationship as over. I know that's tough right now, but
it truly is necessary. Grieve for what it was, and consider
it dead and gone.

The first week.
After your first 48 hours, it is important to get off the couch
and take a shower. Not just for hygiene reasons, (but trust me,
by this time you'll really need it) but because it's now time
to start taking action. Take down all photos that include your
ex. If you need to have a ceremonial snapshot torching, by all
means, go ahead. Put all reminders of your ex (letters, gifts,
photos, etc.) in a box and stuff it way in the back of your
closet, or better yet, your garage - someplace you won't see it
on a regular basis. If you feel yourself starting to idealize
your ex, and feel the desire to call him or her, sit down
immediately and make a list of all the things about your ex
that really annoyed you - the more humorous, the better.
Think hard, I know there's something.

· The way he gave the exact same 22-minute response
to every single person who asked how his job was
going for three solid years.

· The psycho-squirrel noises she made when she laughed.

· The cheap, ugly, green, plastic phone he gave you for
· The way she tried to hold in her sneezes, producing
that imploding, snorty noise instead.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Start returning to your
normal life. Take an extra 20 minutes with your appearance this
week. Sure, you may not feel like getting dressed at all, but
trust me, if you look good, you'll feel even better. Wear
something that makes you feel stunning or confident. Nothing
smoothes the ragged edges of a recent break-up like a few
well-timed compliments. If your weekend on the couch still shows
in your face, put some tea bags on your eyelids.

Make plans with friends for every Friday and Saturday night for the
next month, and stick to them. Get out and go dancing. It may be
the last thing you feel like doing, but you'll find it's a fabulous
release. The music and physical activity will make you feel tons
better. Speaking of which, exercise four times this week. Yeah,
I know you won't feel like it, but do it anyway. You need those
happy endorphins that exercise brings. Do a little bonding with
your pals. Go to a basketball game, or even bowling. Just get out
of the house. One last thing for this week, schedule a massage.
You need it!

The second week.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Make a detailed list of all
your good qualities. Remember, you're a unique, wonderful, person,
and someone (probably several someones) will fall madly in love
with you, and you with them. Keep your plans with friends every
weekend, and by all means, do something physical, or humorous, like
going to a comedy club. Work out (three times this week, and for
the rest of the break-up survival period), go rock climbing, or
dance like the Backstreet Boys in your living room (nobody will
see you.) Get your heart rate going. Aside from making your body
look good, you'll boost your mood as well. This week is all about
pampering yourself. Get a pedicure, or sit in the sauna. You've
been through a lot, and you deserve it.Spend some of your newfound
time (and probably extra cash, too) on something just for you.
Guys, you may be feeling the need for some type of electronic
device you've been putting off. Now is the time. Girls, all I can
say is, SHOE SHOPPING! Treat yourself to a little something nice
this week, and every week for the rest of the month.

The last two weeks.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. You're halfway through the
black period, and the worst is over. This is when you'll start
easing back into your pre-girl/pre-guy routine. Be a little selfish
with your time, and do exactly what you want to do. You should be
focusing on taking care of yourself right now. Now is also the time
to start making long-range plans. Make two plans: One plan for a
vacation (even if it's three years away,) and one plan for your life.
You have a clean slate, what do you want to do? Go back to school?
Become a rock star? Learn how to make crawfish traps? No one is
holding you back now. Write down your goals, and the steps you'll
need to take to reach them.

Holy Moly! Before you know it, the entire month has gone by.
You're through the thick of it now, and on the road to
recovery. Sure, you'll hit some bumps along the way,
but you'll live through this. You've made it this far, and
you'll be a stronger, wiser person because of it. Someday,
you'll meet someone who will love and appreciate you for the
amazing person you are. And this break-up, which is so awful
now, will just be one forgotten U- turn on your path to true love.

Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly love with you and
marry The One in 3 years or less.'s Dating Guide raves "intelligent" and "very humorous."

To order, visit

and if you're like might want to take this break-up score was 70.grrrr.