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just thinking loud again
Monday, June 19, 2006
why women should not settle
there are a lot of things women usually consider before labeling a guy " a prospect". And usually it changes as you age. for instance, when i was in grade school i wanted to marry either a doctor or a lawyer due to the obvious reason--financial stability. I guess there were things before that we couldnt afford and i thought my prince charming will come to rescue me--buy me a doc martens boots( the purple pair). then way back in high school, i remember liking guys from exclusive, expensive catholic schools.purely peer pressure, what can i say...guys from exclusive expensive catholic schools were known to be classy, well-educated, well-mannered, good looking and have a great accent when speaking in english. in college, i remember liking guys with nice cars and still...speaks better english than i do. you are probably thinking now that i have a great obsession for people who speaks very good english and hell, i don't even know why. all i could remember is just making it a big deal, i don't want anybody who could not carry a good and sensible conversation with me or my friends. And my friends (like a lot of Filipinos i know) were very particular about grammar and the like. After college, i was attracted to guys who could make me laugh. I didn't care how they look like...i just liked them humorous (NOT FUNNY, OK?)..i liked guys who can put humor to any given situation. After a few years of working, i realized i like guys who are comfortable with who i am. Someone who is confident and not insecure. And someone who knows what he wants to happen in his life and can include me in it. And of course, someone who speaks good english and can spell. I know the last part sounds weird but living here in the states i found out how a big turn off it is when a guy couldn't spell. yah at first i found it cute but after a while ,i don't know, it just sounds stupid.

so the big question is why do we, women, settle for something less than what we really want? Is it because there are not a lot of male species to choose from? is it because of the pressure that their families and friends put on them when they are still unattached by the time they reach the age their families and friends tied the knot? is it the pressure we put on ourselves because we are scared of some research that says we should be pregnant before we reach thirty to have healthy and intelligent children?or is it because we cannot just sit down and wait for mr. right to come so we settle for "mr. right now"?

honestly, i don't think women settle for anything less than what they want...the usual problem is--we don't know what we want until we learn it from a past relationship.the checklist is being modified in time.plus like what i have mentioned, it comes with maturity. my early qualifications were all about my being selfish---i wanted a guy who will be good enough for my friends. And now, i'm not saying i won't ever listen to what my friends have to say about him but i will always have the last word. i would listen but not necessarily follow. but then again, that sounds like another form of being selfish. i guess my definition of being selfish evolves in time as well.

more and more women are getting married in their thirties which is a good sign that i am not alone in this journey of singlehood. it's nice to be single---you have options all the time. and that is something hard to give up unless some person is worthy of it.

there are lots of theories or labels regarding unattached females in their late twenties...people think your a lesbian, a nerd or a geek, too choosy, too selfish to be tied down, ambitious career woman,boring personality, too serious in life, too good for men, has issues in bed, etcetera, etcetera.when will this stop? if a woman is unattached in her late twenties just leave her alone. it's just not happening yet. She is happy at the moment although she knows she could be happier. it will happen if it will happen. if not then at least she once gave it a try. i'm sure she is scared to be by herself when she gets really, really old but who isn't? Who can actually say that they won't be alone when they get old?do i sound bitter yet?

to top it all, i think women who take their time before being in a relationship should be commended because they take relationships seriously. unlike other people who just shops and buys impulsively, we take our time to window shop. And guess what, maybe we'll buy something and bring home what we really, really, really want...or not. maybe we'll go home with nothing and just wait till it's on sale and we can bargain with the price so it will fit the budget.maybe we could even put it on layaway and decide on getting it in the future.

don't worry, im okay.
2 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
being a 20 something single since birth, i agree with most of your arguments. although honestly, i would love to find myself a bf as soon as possible. i think relationships during your 20s are more carefree, fun and exciting and i wouldnt want to miss that kind of "youthful" experience. so help me. lolz.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
hey dont leave me outta this conversation! coz i was raising my hand and shoutin out "i second the motion" while reading this blog! hehehe. well.. i'm single, and i fall under the part where you said ppl think you might be a lesbian. MIGHT? hehehe. so freakin what?! i'll be who i wanna be. and if no guy comes to get me, then they don't see my worth. damn right i won't settle for just anybody! i'll settle when i fall in love. *nakanampuch!!!*