i'm not sure where this is going...ronald and i are spending too much time together and i am really happy about having someone

with me except that he's gay.i'm not saying that i wish he isn't but you know when i said i wanted someone special i wasn't

referring to a superficial kind of relationship nor a sexless lover...yup, he's pretty much everything now- a security blanket, a

constant companion, a confidant, a colleague, a girlfriend.i can tell him everything i want and we can talk about anything we

want without offending each other. the sad thing is ...i know, whoever gets a guy first (him of course) gets to call it quits

agad without second thoughts.this would definitely leave me on a bad spot. I don't know how to protect myself from this other

than finding a guy first.but i don't want a race i cannot win.
it all started when he invited me to go to the gym with him..this month is bring-a-friend-month...after that gym experience, we

decided to eat steak at LOgan's ( i know this is wrong, i meant the steak after gym)...after that we started watching will and

grace (story of our lives!) everyday at his place...eating dinner together before watching...watching movies on sundays (we

always remind ourselves not to watch horror, love stories and dramas)...getting wasted then sleeping on the same bed (before you

think of anything nasty, please keep in mind that i don't sleep with gay men, he does!)that went on for a week and a half...the

only reason that broke the pattern is him leaving for alabama today due to a workshop...and i've never felt life to be this

boring...
ok, before everybody raises their eyebrows, let me say that i am not having a romantic relationship with him...i am happy that we

are better now after all the hassles we brought to each other when we lived in the same house...the only reason that i am having

doubts about it has something to do about our history together...and you know what they say, a lesson is repeated unless

learned...i am still not convinced that we can live with each other again...so i am not at all seriously considering the idea...i

would like to think that i am just giving it a chance...a chance that is full of caution but real. there was never a time when

we were together that i didn't tell myself ,"gosh i wish i could tell ronald this and that!" but deep inside something's telling

me not to say certain things that might ruin our budding friendship...pigil!
i'd like to quote him when he said that maybe there's something special meant for us that's why god brought us back together...a

few weeks back his one year relationship with jeff ended because of a petty fight and i was having problems with rissa...yup, we

were both vulnerable and yup it seems like we're using each other...maybe we are or maybe we're not but the important thing is i

have someone here with me right now...because after your boyfriend stops telling you he loves you, the next thing you want to do

is find (temporary?) happiness somewhere else...i am not thinking that nald and i would be there for each other all the time

although god knows i am hoping..i just want a little attention and a little security..for the time being.