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boredominating
just thinking loud again
Monday, December 27, 2004

yehey! tapos na pasko. hirap! una sa lahat, nagiging senti mga tao lalo na yung mga matagal mo nang di nakikita. Kakabasa ko lang ng blog ng kapatid ko and although nabaliw ako sa kakabasa dahil sa mga linya sa letters, naintindihan ko naman sa awa ng diyos.Yup, pero yoko umiyak. That's one thing I don't like about not being there with my family. Nakahold ang emotions ko palagi. And of course, I don't like it. I need to cry sometimes. Lagi kse kong malungkot dito. I know na khet anong gawin ko, I can never be as happy as when I was still in the Philippines. I tried to treat some people here like they are family but in truth, some of them don't give a damn about me. I'm cool with that since they don't know the real me. And they will never have that chance since the first step to knowing me is to convince me that you care. Every now and then I spend some time with my dad ( like now) just so I could have the closest thing similar to what I used to have in the Philippines. We try to make the most out of it although lagi naman syang may pasok. Ususally I am just here sa bahay, tumatawag sa pilipinas o kaya nagcocomputer o kaya nanonood ng tv. Pero ok pa rin sa kin yun kse I also need abreak sa trabaho. Nung christmas, we went to alot's house. Si alot ang nagpasok ng trabaho sa dad ko. Syempre buong pamilya ni alot nandun at close naman si dad sa kanila talaga. Pero I felt like an alien talaga kse lahat sila magkakamaganak. Pero ibang klase rin si alot kse pilit nya kong sinasama sa mga games, maglead ng game, kumanta, magpapicture, makihalubilo. I liked that. So okay na rin, sige. Tapos nagyaya na rin ako ke dad umuwi kse bored na ko. Weird pero sa dalas kong manood ng TV dito mas gusto ko pang gawin yun kse magparty. Maybe I am not used to being with people anymore.
So nammimiss ko ba mommy ko at si marie? hellleur?????? of course. Lahat ng makita ko, from tv shows na pinapanood to taong nakikilala, wala na kong inisip kundi mommy ko at si marie. Wala na nga kong bukambibig kundi sabi ni marie, sabi ni mommy. I miss my mom and my sis. Kaya nga nakapagdesisyon na ko. Uuwi na ko ng 2006. That's final. Nagawa ko na gusto ng pamilya ko. Ako naman ngayon. I want to live my life. Yup, I'm throwing this big chance because this is what I want. Tanga na kung tanga pero come to think of it, sobra akong takot mamatay dito sa amerika kse parang walang nangyari sa buhay ko dito. walang significance. OO nakakatulong ako, fine. Pero there's more to life than having a job. HIndi na ko tao, robot na tingin ko sa sarili ko most of the time. Walang inter- and intra- personal relationships. So uuwi na ko. Posted by Hello